As I often do on bored weekends, I found myself browsing the PlayStation Network for demos (ie: Free Games).  Nothing else in the new releases sparked my curiosity. Again, I wasn’t really interested in the game itself. Mostly I was just curious about how the demo worked, being an open ended sandbox style game and all.  So I downloaded it.

It turned out to be a pretty huge download; weighing in at somewhere around a Gig-and-a-half. It eventually downloaded and I was able to install it.

I booted it up and started a game. This is where I was introduced to some real old-school style crappy voice acting. I’m talking original Resident Evil cheese with a heaping helping of laughable dialogue for added flavor. You’re introduced to a chick named Bolo, “leader of the Reapers.” She speaks with a seemingly random accent. Sometimes it’s Jamaican, sometimes it’s eastern Indian, could be some Filipino in there too. I suppose it fits since the game takes place in a made-up country that’s part South America, part Middle East and part Caribbean. Then you have the main character, Scorpio, who’s just sort of dopey sounding.

While the voice acting is bad and the dialogue worse, it kinda worked for me. It added to the fun in an MST3K sort of way. It gave me something to make fun of without making me hate the game outright. Easily mockable one-liners can add to a games overall enjoyment for me. The first Red Faction had a similar effect on me, but mostly because that Illinois accent was irresistibly imitateable.”Pairker!” (My attempt at spelling a Chicagoland accent.)

That little introduction scene plays every time you start the demo. You can’t skip it either. Ah well, beggars can’t be choosers and it is pretty brief after all.

After that, you’re dropped into an abandoned-village-looking area on the side of a mountain. A pop-up dialogue box gives you some pointers. There’s weapons to pick up and stuff to destroy. It’s your basic practice area. I suggest you spend some time there blowing stuff up and collecting ammo. Once you leave this area (usually by base-jumping off the side of the cliff) the demo really begins.

The first thing you should notice is the demo timer. You get half-an-hour to do as you please. The timer will pop up to remind you every once in a while. Aside from the time limit, you’re also limited to a small (but still ginormous) chunk of the game world. You have access to a few weapons hidden around the buildings, such as your typical machine guns M16s. There’s also a grenade launcher hidden in a tower which is especially fun for shooting down from your parachute. You can sample several of the vehicles; cars, trucks, ATVs and even a helicopter. All things considered, you get a pretty big slice of video game pie for a free demo.

The controls are little wonky. Especially for running around on foot. It seems that your movement isn’t analogue. You’re either running or sprinting. No in between. That can make things tricky when you’re raining hellfire on the baddies below from the ledge of a building. There were a few times where I ran right off a roof and fell to my untimely… injury. Turns out you have to fall pretty far to die unless you’re practically dead already.

Driving is better. A little loose, but manageable. It’s not exactly a driving simulator, but I have no real complaints. That said, if you’re expecting even Grand Theft Auto 4 level realism, you’ll be a little disappointed. Also, driving is a great way to launch yourself off a cliff and parachute to safety.

Flying is fun. Although, unless I overlooked something, the only aircraft available in the demo is a helicopter. It’s good enough for some aerial mayhem. You can easily figure out the flight controls and do a little dogfighting with pursuing choppers or shoot the heads off statues.

On foot combat works well, aside from the above mentioned falling injuries. You have assisted aiming and you can do some pinpoint aiming when you want to bust a cap in some fool’s dome. Also, melee exists.

The real star of the show is the grappling hook, which you can attach to anything and anyone. It can be used to reach the tops of tall buildings and low-flying aircraft. You can jump from tree to tree like Bionic Commando. You can use it while floating around with your parachute for some land-base parasailing. Best of all, you can tie objects and people together with it. This is where the real fun begins for me.

Here’s what you do. Tie a badguy to a pressurized gas canister. Shoot said canister. Stand back and watch as the badguy goes flying into the air via his improvised rocket.

Another fun thing is harassing poor innocent civilian drivers. Ride around on somebody’s car. Attach one end of your grappling hook to the car you’re riding on and the other to an oncoming vehicle, preferably a motorcycle. Drag people around with your car. Drag cars around with your chopper.

The great thing about it is that you can experiment. Tie thing A to thing B and see what happens. I could spend hours with this kind of screwing around. In fact I did spend hours. I think I played that same half-hour of demo six or seven times before deciding that I must buy this game. With all the flaws, the bad acting/dialogue, the weird physics; the fun is still there to be had and it is potent. Who doesn’t love having the freedom to create their own style of carnage? I’m gonna go ahead recommend this one. Try it, buy it. Whatever, just give it a shot.

First, nothing you see here should be taken seriously. Even the stuff that is serious should still be taken with a few grains of salt. If you are easily offended, this site is not for you. Also, if you’re easily offended, what the hell are you doing on the Internet? Shouldn’t you be curled up in a fetal position under your bed? Weeping softly into a pillow and wondering aloud as to why nobody takes you and your precious feelings seriously…

Second, as for the intended purposes of this blog; I plan on using this site as a sort of mind-dump. I’ll be spilling out the various and random ideas that pop into my head from time to time. You see, I’ve always wanted to be a writer, but I came to the realization that, while I have tons of ideas, I have no complete stories. I have lots of characters and story fragments floating around the dense gaseous plasma inside my skull.  Just no novels. I figure If I can scoop some of these ideas out of the murky goldfish bowl of my mind, maybe I can eventually piece together a story. Or at least improve my ability to give form to these ideas.

Also I’ll probably end up posting rants here that are too long for Facebook.

About me: I am but a humble fisherman, stranded in the exact center of a vast and ever expanding sea of sand. Not an oasis in sight. Not even a mirage to tease the suggestion of an oasis. Still; I have my net. Perhaps if I cast it wide enough, even in the endless desert, I might catch something that will ease this hunger that wracks my mind.

No seriously. I’m just a dude with too much time and too little to do. I have this need to do something -anything- creative. This blog will hopefully allow me to do that.

That’s all you really need to know. Enjoy your stay.